Creating more Calm with the Kids - Is Curiosity the key?
Updated: Sep 1, 2020
By Anita Ness, Founder of EMBRACE Calmer Kids
I wanted to let you know that I totally get how precious your time is. We are all so busy these days, so I promise to keep these blog posts short and sweet. I will share with you just a few fresh tips or bits of information that hopefully make a positive difference in your family’s life.
Anxiety can show up in so many different ways. For me, I get into a ‘thought storm’, and for my girls, it’s when they just can’t do their hair right, or there is an explosion of anger for no logical reason.
When my girls are ‘feeling it’; I try to stop, take a breath, and remember that their behaviour is not about me – it’s 100% about what is going on for them (this is from Jackie Hall's awesome Tame Your Temper Parenting Challenge). I have learnt that each of us have a few basic needs and desires, high up there on the list are Acceptance, Approval and Love.
Something that has really helped me, is this post-it I created. I have this printed (and laminated – yes, I am that person) and stuck to the cupboard above the kettle in the kitchen (because that’s where most of the action happens in our family).
When one of my girls loses it and there doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason, like being tired or upset because her sister has been pushing her buttons (again). I look at the post-it and give it a go…
I try, (it's not always easy) to come from a place of love and curiosity. Click here to download it from our free printables page.
When they don’t know or can’t explain why they are upset, I shift myself to their level and ask: ‘What do you need from me?’, ‘How can I help you?’, or ‘What are you asking for?’ And most of the time one or two of these questions will lead them to a self-realisation of what they need, or what is upsetting them. And if not, usually an unyielding loving hug goes a long way to calming them down (and me too).
That’s it for now. I love hearing from you!
So let me know,
what apps, strategies, books and courses work for you, or
if there are topics you would like to see on the website or in future blog posts,
or if you have had a mini win, or a success story you would like to share
Contact me by clicking here.
Founder of EMBRACE Calmer Kids